The pain which cannot be cured
by sleepingorange
Summary: It's about Squall regreting something about Rinoa..
1. The day

She lean against the sky blue painted wall. & said " I put my trust in you and never ever dared  
  
to doubt about you.."  
  
As her tears fell down to her pale cheeks, he was speechless ... trying to figure out what to say to her.  
  
" Rinoa, I.. I never mean to...." his words were cold and trembling then ever.  
  
" That's how you are any way!! I should've known it at the first time. Why didn't you tell me  
  
before?! " she shouted as her tears burst out.  
  
" I'm... I'm... oh.. whatever.." he went out of the room. She fell down slowly to the floor and  
  
let herself cold on the floor.  
  
Few years past by...  
  
" Oh.. Here comes Rinoa!!" Quistis cried with full of joy in her face.  
  
' huh? Rinoa?? She's back.....' Squall was happy to see her back but there's one thing that did not let him go back to  
  
Rinoa. Few years before, they ended up speechless, and avoiding each other. And Rinoa left the school in a year, to  
  
study in other school. After that his memories with her faded slowly except that day.  
  
" hi, Quisty.... It's glad to see you again." said a soft voice from Squall's back.  
  
" And that must be Squall.... is it, Quisty??" he's eyes grow bigger than ever, he turned back  
  
and smiled rather unnaturally. She smiled back to him, self-possessed.  
  
' how can you smile at me like nothing has happened to us before?' he thought..  
  
' well.... you smiled at me first. don't you think that's more strange than what I did to you?' her voice appeared in his  
  
vague mind. And made him shocked.  
  
" uh... guys??" said Quistis. " huh?" she turned back to Quistis..  
  
" Aren't you going to go in??" said Squall. " oh... yeah.. let's go in ." said Rinoa and Quistis.  
  
They set at the tea table near by the window. And started to glare at each other... Quistis  
  
founded out that Rinoa has changed in few years. The way her hairs style, nose pierced and  
  
there was a ring in her fourth finger.  
  
" what a minute... Do I see a ring ? " said Quistis and started to glare at Rinoa's fourth finger.  
  
" yeah.. it is.. actually, I'm engaged ..." touching her ring with her eyes fixed on that.  
  
' what!!' squall shouted in his mind.. He was rather shocked by that. The memories came  
  
back ,to his vague mind. The day he and Rinoa broked up, the day where they first met, the  
  
ring he gave her on her birthday……. Short memories had passed by in few minutes.  
  
" oh… your engaged?! Oh my god!!! Rinoa!!" cried Quistis with happiness in her face.  
  
"huh?? With who?" asked Squall with a bit abrupt look on Rinoa and Quistis.  
  
" uh… Squall… where an Earth have you been?? Were you day-dreaming??" said Quistis,  
  
looking at him like a dork……. The conversation had stopped .  
  
" Squall, I think you've over worked... Go to your room and have a rest for a while. " said Quistis.  
  
" yeah... you look tried, go...... And have a rest, I'll meet you in dinner time." said Rinoa , as sweet as she have done to him  
  
before. Squall went up to his room as quick as possible and regarding himself happy, in order to not be upset about it.  
  
He lay down in his bad. All of a sudden there's a feeling which is indiscribeable than ever. He was lying to himself that he  
  
don't regret for being like this. Also he felt sorry and happy for Rinoa. He knew that he can't protect her no longer, and  
  
he had to bear the invisible pain he have in his secret and myterious mind. All he had to do from now on is to live Rinoa and  
  
her fiance. But he had this feeling that he should n 


	2. 2. Tears in Seifer's eyes

But he had this feeling that he should not let her go like this... He felt discontent in his mind. Conflict, sadness,  
  
moody and he thought that he could no longer take this feeling anymore.  
  
" knock, knock "  
  
Squall pretended sleeping .... " Well.... Squall I know you're not sleeping.... Come talk to me.." said Quistis.  
  
Squall woke up and huged Quistis. " hey... I'm not Rinoa..." said Quistis in half shocked, half absurbed looking at Squall.  
  
" Oh.... I'm sorry... I didn't mean.. to.. be ...." mumbled Squall. " what are you talking about??" asked Quistis.  
  
" Nothing.." he said like a mouse creeping voice.  
  
Quistis knew what he was thinking about but she never dared to talk about that directly to Squall. She knew that he might get really  
  
hurt by that. " Uhmmm... Do you want to go down and have dinner... Rinoa and her fiance is here. & he wishes to see you." said Quistis  
  
in a bit sorrowed voice.  
  
" Really? I'll get myself dressed... I'm go down in five minutes so you go ahead first... " Said Squall brightly.  
  
Quistis was rather unexpected by his reaction. And she leave he's room to get her self dressed too.  
  
Squall tried to make himself looking happy. But there was a small gap that he could find sorrow in his face. He got the suit out , which was  
  
the one when he danced with Rinoa at the ball. He tried to get that off his mind and wipe his tears and went down.  
  
" Congratuation Rinoa!! I'm so happy for you " said Zell and selphie. " Thanks...." said Rinoa...  
  
' Who the hell is Rinoa's fiance??' thought Squall... Looking at all those people.  
  
" Hey Squall !!!! Nice looking!!" Said Laguna.... patting Squall's back.  
  
" hi... Dummm moaron..." Said Squall... like he's very used to say that infront of him.  
  
" Hahaha... You still haven't changed.... Calling me dum moron.... You've better watch what you're saying..." Laguna said mischieviously.  
  
" By the way , who's her fiance??" asked Squall... " well, he's right over there with Seifer..." Laguna pointed a place near by the window.  
  
He looked at him.... He , I mean Rinoa's fiance was Irvine.... Squall was rather gald that it was him. If it was another guy he didn't know,  
  
he might have begged Rinoa not to marry the guy. He felt comfortable. So he went up to Irvine and said " Congratuation... Irvine.."  
  
" Thanks pal. I was worried about this.. I thought you weren't going to say that word to me... Or even smile like this... Hey wait a minute..  
  
I think this is the first time I saw you smile.... Oh my god... What got into you??" said Irvine.  
  
" Well...." Said Squall.. " Hey.. he's just happy for you both so..... comm' on .." said Seifer interrupting Squall. Seifer, who knew Squall for a  
  
long time, he actually knew why he smiled ... He knew that he's hurt but trying very hard to tolerate his sadness.And smile instead of looking  
  
gloomy.  
  
"Oh.. I got to go... My Rinoa is calling me." Said Irvine.  
  
" I know what you're thinking Squall " said Seifer. " Seifer, I'll be fine . I know ... I'm feeling comfortable now..." said Squall smiled again to his dearly  
  
friend. " Squall don't lie to me will ya' there's nothing to hide... Do want to go out? For a while" asked Seifer. " No.. I'll just stay here..." said Squall.  
  
Seifer was speachless. He never seen Squall like this before. And Trying his best to hide his emotion from everyone.  
  
Everyone was having fun that day. Squall too. Those foods and drinks and all the people congratuating Rinoa and Irvine. It was a nicest Dinner ever.  
  
The next day  
  
" damn.... it's morning again." Squall, he was feeling so tried for no reason.  
  
He felt his head was spinning. Of course he got really drunk last night.  
  
He putted his trembling hand to his forehead, and started to think..' What happened after I congratuate Rinoa and irvine??'  
  
  
  
The more he tried to remember, the memories kept on disappearing...  
  
"Knock knock " Seifer came into his room.  
  
" I thank you that you were just drunk... " said Seifer in a sad faced.  
  
" why? you thought I was going to tell those things out of my mouth?" he's eyes started to fill with tears and hardly said those words.  
  
Seifer held his hand and tried to give him a warm look. " you're sick....... right?? And that's why you dumped her....... So that she won't get hurt than breaking up... Did I got that right?"  
  
Squall shook his head and said no word.... Seifer just stood still there with squall for a while and went down with him for breakfast.  
  
Good thing that Rinoa's out with Selphie.  
  
" hey.... You got hung over??" said Irvine. " No... I don't think so.." said Squall and quiet 


	3. contiued>> from 'tears in seifer's eyes'

Everyone was looking at Squall like they know every thing. But They only knew the past of him. Which made them angry with Squall. They never knew the fact that he was sick , till now. Only Seifer was the one who knew that.  
  
" ouoop " Squall fell down from the chair and throw up..... Seifer was the one who was petting him at the back. " Are you Ok?? come on.... what the.... hell....... " Seifer stopped talking when he saw that blood was in Squall's hand . He was trying to hide his blood... But he was never good at hiding things. (Too bad......)  
  
" why what's wrong?" asked Zell who was right next to Squall's seat.  
  
" Ouuooopp... Not.... nothing..... Just..... enjoy... y..you... your...... bbbbb" Squall fainted with the word which he haven't finnished.  
  
Everybody was looking at him and Seifer. Seifer was mourning like Squall's going to be dead. He was crying for help for someone who could take him to hospital. He was crying that he was going to die. " He's having tubercle.... please.. god dam'met wake up man... you can't go like this..... wake up!!!!" Seifer , who was crying shouting at his pale face, he dropped his tears for the first time .  
  
Squall, he was sent to hospital for that. And he remained in coma.  
  
While Rinoa who didn't know Squall's sickness for a long time, regretted that she should've known that.  
  
" Rinoa , Stop that thing and get out of here...... It's the only thing you could do for him, and Irvine..." A cold voice came from Rinoa's back.  
  
" Seifer... since when did he became like this?? " Rinoa, looking at Seifer and Irvine .  
  
" ...... All I could say is..... nothing for you.." said Seifer.  
  
" Rinoa , Come... We've got to talk." said Irvine.  
  
Rinoa followed Irvine quietly and looking at Seifer madly. Irvine was worried that he might lose Rinoa. He hardly got her. He didn't want to let her go because of Squall.  
  
He felt ' Damn you Squall, why did you have to do that infront of everyone? '.  
  
But he could not say that infront of his sick friend. He just had to pitty, nothing more than that.  
  
He turned back at Rinoa and started to say in a begging way. " Rinoa ...... whom do you really love? "  
  
" ........" She stood speachless and stare at Irvine with full of tears....  
  
" why can't you say that it is me? huh.... What happen to you?" he was holding Rinoa's arms very tightly , and looked sadly into Rinoa's wetted eyes.  
  
" what... How ... am I suppose to say this to you. I know.... the one I love is you but, something is holding me to him... What am I suppose to say to you... Which answer will statisfy you? " asked Rinoa.  
  
"Nothing more..." and Kissed Rinoa in a very cruel way.  
  
Rinoa pushed him back..." what's this?" Rinoa's eyes changed into fear and anger..  
  
" ...... I never lose you again like before. " Said Irvine.  
  
And Irvine left, leaving Rinoa cold and confused.  
  
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hehehe.... Hope it's better than the 1st one...  
  
* bows *  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
chapter 3  
  
Rinoa stood still for a long time, till the night.  
  
She never said a word after that.  
  
While Seifer was busy looking at Squall's pale face.  
  
Suddenly Squall opened he's eyes slowly. " where am I?"  
  
" You were in coma for two days.... Damn.. that thing got worster.. The doctor says that ,you have a two year or less days to live.." said Seifer sadly.  
  
" ...... Seifer... Can I get out of this hospital. I don't think it'll be good for me.. Can I go back?" cried Squall.  
  
Seifer looked at him still and brusted his tears and hugged Squall. Squall bit his lip tight, so that Seifer won't feel sad for him. He tried to persuade Seifer that he'll be fine. And he would like to go somewhere for a while. which ment that he'll follow he's fate.  
  
Seifer could not stop crying till Squall said. " It's my fate. There's nothing to change eventhough you cry like this."  
  
So Squall came back to his room. And started to pack his stuffs.  
  
" Well.... seems like you need a hand ....." said laguna.  
  
" .......... What now do you want to talk about?" said Squall.  
  
" .....ha..... why didn't you tell this to me before?" Laguna said in a worried and sad looking to Squall's Deep gray eyes.  
  
" you're about to leave..... Because of that girl? did i got that right?? why are you doing this... stop..... Stay ...." Laguna said before Squall could say any words at him.  
  
Squall stood still and looked back at him... " It's for everybody's own good. If I don't leave they'll force me to leave."  
  
' I know.... but there's still one thing you should know before you leave..' a voice came up again to his ear.  
  
" what did you said?" asked Squall in a shocked looking against Laguna.  
  
"huh? I said nothing but just watching you..... My god.... You're having those things again, just like when you broke up with her..." Laguna soon realized it and exclaimed.  
  
" ..... I think I need a rest... Please.... out of my room please .... I'll disscuss the thing later." said Squall , he lay down on his bed and closed his eyes.  
  
Laguna left quietly out of Squall's room. He was sad that he could not do anything for Squall. Quistis, who was very worried about him, however refused to see Squall.  
  
She was truely loved him till now. & if he knows it, she was afraid that he might not treat her like before.  
  
When Laguna left the room Quistis was hesitating wether to go in to the room or not.  
  
She tried not to cry, but her tears kept on falling down when she was about to knock on the door. ' seems like he's too far away from me....... How could I get in? what if I cry infront of him?' thought quistis.  
  
" just go in... What wre you waiting for? " said Seifer.  
  
" Seifer... What are you doing here?" asked Quistis with her eyes growing bigger like her tears.  
  
" I knew it..... Way before since when Rinoa and he had relationships...... you looked gloomy on that day... specialy when he gave a ring on Rinoa's birthday..." kind of teasing her in a way, like Seifer was proclaiming to someone.  
  
" .... yeah... so.... what's your point?" asked Quistis.  
  
" cheer him up." Seifer was looking at Quistis with trustworthy..  
  
" how?...." , " Quistis, now listen ... I think you can make him stay here. Don't make him leave, now I mean it. Don't underestimate yourself, you're perfect. Don't look down at yourself.. you got to 


	4. All that he could do.........

" how?...." , " Quistis, now listen ... I think you can make him stay here. Don't make him leave, now I mean it. Don't underestimate yourself, you're perfect. Don't look down at yourself.. you got to catch him. If you love him, don't lose him. You've been blind for his emotion. He did liked you. well... let's say till now. And he was wondering to propose to you or not. But when Rinoa came , I think he's confused ..." Seifer was interupting the rest of quistis's word and gave a short knock on the door,opened it and pushed Quistis into his room.  
  
" I told you to leave me alone Dumm moron... " said in a distrubed voice.  
  
" well...Sorry if I disturbed you Squall...." Quistis came to his bed , bended down and whisper to his ear.  
  
Squall opened his eyes and looked at Quistis, with a smile in his face.  
  
'Rinoa' he thought but when he faced the fact , it was Quistis.  
  
" huh?? now what's that smile about.... Rinoa?" said in a bit gloomy voice.  
  
" .......... it's nice to see you.... I missed you..." he didn't really missed her but he was just making Quistis happy.  
  
" yeah right... I know you well enough.... Wasn't that verse supposed to be spoken to someone else?" asked Quistis with her arms crossed.  
  
" ..... You know ,and I know whom she is... ooh I'm sorry I didn't mean to be like this... Sorry..." As soon as she saw he's face changed a bit...  
  
' damn I ruined his mood.... Quisty.. think before you act !!! ' Quistis, reminding in her mind again..  
  
" I know what you're thinking too.... ' think before you act Quisty..' is that right??" asked Squall like nothing have had happened before.  
  
They both gave eachother a smile. & they stared at eachother like brother and a sister. For a long time, they've been staring and smiling without any words.  
  
Squall felt a comfort when he' s with Quistis. & that made him think that he might like her more than friends.  
  
" I heard that you're leaving..." said Quistis  
  
" ..... yeah...." said Squall, trying to comfort her.  
  
" I wonder ... If you're gone what'll happen to Seifer or me or Laguna?"  
  
"... well I guess them and you'll feel a bit lonely but, it'll be fine." said Squall.  
  
" Can't you just stay with us?" she kneel down and looked at his pale face.  
  
" Quistis , if I stay here they'll force me to go out. Not because I'm sick, it's because of her. Irvine might be mad about me. That Rinoa's feeling something which might just be pitty, she'll broke up with him. Just because of me. " he begged back to Quistis.  
  
Quistis shook her head and cried.... and avoiding his eyes.  
  
He got out of the bed and hugged her like he did to Rinoa.  
  
' you just can't get her out of your mind..... How.... I feel so foolish... Why did I love this guy? I'm so pathetic.....' she thought and said some advices for him and left the room. While Squall was willing her to stay. That time he felt that he should not leave. He was thinking about Quistis after she left his room. The first day they met, after he broke up with Rinoa there was Quistis cheering him up. And till now they were so close.  
  
He suddenly brust out of the room and serched for Quistis...  
  
'Quistis... Quistis... where.... Library? ... no... she's not here.... Her room?... no....  
  
Where the hell are you?' cried Squall.  
  
" oops....." said Rinoa.... " hi Squall..." said Rinoa...  
  
" where's Quistis?" asked Squall.... Rinoa looked rather upset that he wasn't looking for her. " umm.. i don't know...." " really?? ... bye... see ya..." and off he went.  
  
' oh.... .... That room!!' he thought , and he ran into that room but before he opened the door , there was Quistis comming out and "Bang!!!" " ouch... my glass.... ah... my god what is this.... my nose.........." mourned Quistis in pain.  
  
' Quistis?? are you alright??" with words was no longer used between them, he was holding her hand try to look where she got hurt, while Quistis was busy avoiding him.  
  
When their eyes met.... Quistis stood still... Looking at him. He, also stopped and all of a sudden he only had her in his own gray eyes... But Quistis rejected. & said I'm fine and passed him by..  
  
He tried to hold her but there was Rinoa watching at him. Quistis knew before Squall did. Rinoa, who was looking at Quistis with enduring anger and made Quistis avoid that moment.  
  
" Squall...... why were you...." said Rinoa. " What did I do?" said Squall in a distrubed mood.  
  
" Squall....... Who is the one you've misssed for a long time??" asked Rinoa her eyes glaring at him, however that was avoided from Squall.  
  
" huh??? Rin' ..... I.... I ...... just missed this person eventhough I see her everyday.  
  
She was generous, kind, undertanding and sweet-hearted person. And she loved me but I didn't want to feel the same for her. I.... I... w..was afraid to lose her in one sight.... But fortunately I let her go....and she got engaged to my friend, Irvine.... And now all I could do is wish her happy. " Squall was trying to smile at her but he started to feel that the tears were about to drop. He truned back and pretended to look at the navy- blue sky. Rinoa stood still and heard the truth and looked at Squall.  
  
She wished she could hug him but she can't .... She asked another question to him...  
  
" Squall than will you love her again?" ... Squall's dark gary eye's suddenly changed with determination and frimly said " no..... I won't..... "  
  
Rinoa was absurbed by his answer.... and hardly said.." Is it because of Irvine?"  
  
"No.... now..... I only have 2 year or less to live...." said Squall.  
  
" .......... What if I broke up with Irvine?" she said sharply.  
  
Squall truned back at her and glare at her with anger . " Don't you dare hurt my friend...  
  
I know I hurted you before but now....Don't... pay back on me....... I beg you ... Rinoa, Irvine would be the only one for you... He may be the las...t..... oop.... urh.... " He was stimulated and tensed by replying every thing for her.... He left quickly to toliet and through - up blood again.  
  
" Squall?? Are you there??" asked Irvine, hardly catching his breath...  
  
Squall opened the door and sat down on the floor...  
  
Irvine who saw he running to the toliet followed him. But the purpose of following Squall was to tell him to get away from Rinoa. Squall knew that and he said " Rinoa's not confused anymore, the person she love through all her life till now is you."  
  
Irvine said " thank you..... " and left quickly.  
  
Squall came out and looked for Quistis.. He had to say it. Wether she rejects it or not..  
  
when he was about to look for her again, she was right infront of him.  
  
" Squall you need to go back to your room and have a rest." she was looking at his face with full of worry. She quickly held his hand and pulled him to the way to his room.  
  
Squall quietly followed her. Till he layed down to his cozy bed.  
  
" haaa~~~ " blew his breathe and looked at Quistis.  
  
" Can you stay with me?? " asked Squall.  
  
" sure... why not... But not that long...... I'll stay here till you're asleep." said Quistis softly.  
  
" Quistis..." said squall....  
  
" I know what you were going to say that moment..... " she said quietly to his ear and glanced at him.  
  
But she knew that word will be useless, soon or later. She was happy to know that but sad on the other hand that, he'll leave. Squall felt the same. So he remained quietly glaring at Quistis....  
  
....... After few months Squall died.........  
  
He was barried somewhere where, Quistis used to visit often. Seifer, who was looking after Squall during the times he lived, visited him more frequent than Quistis did.  
  
Now both of them had to bear the pain because of his death.........Which cannot be cured ...... 


End file.
